Total Recall Review

Total Recall is a movie set in a dystopian future where chemical warfare has rendered most of Earth uninhabitable. In Europe, a gentrified upper class sits pretty in a city that seems inspired by the bright, bold, criss-crossing metropolis from The Fifth Element. In Australia, now called the Colony, a put-upon lower class slaves away in what looks like a slightly cleaner version of the slums from Blade Runner. Also in play are a memory-implanting machine, a secret agent who doesn’t know he’s a secret agent, a rag-tag resistance movement, and a mass transit system that shoots through the center of the planet.

There are enough elements here for the makings of a cracker-jack sci-fi movie, so why is almost everything about Total Recall instantly forgettable? We can start with the performances. Colin Farrell, rocking an American accent and a bangin’ beach bod, plays Douglas Quaid, a factory worker who is understandably unsatisfied with his life as a Colony plebe. One day after work he goes to Rekall, a business that implants customers with false memories which allow them to live out their fantasies. Quaid chooses the secret agent package, but before it gets underway he’s assaulted by a pack of federal goons. Turns out he actually IS a secret agent who’s been implanted with the memories of a workaday peasant, and the government had to step in because the Rekall process would have activated him too early, or something.

The movie isn’t particularly concerned with details and exists mostly to usher Farrell and company on to the next action scene. The role of Quaid was previously played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1990 film of which this movie is a remake. Farrell is probably the better actor overall, but Schwarzenegger has more screen presence, and that’s something this movie could have really used. As Quaid, Farrell is a cipher, and very hard to root for. I will likely already have forgotten almost everything about Melina (Jessica Biel), Quaid’s partner in arms, by the time I finish writing this sentence. The only character who makes any impact is Quaid’s wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale), who it ends up is only working undercover as his wife to keep tabs on the government’s lapsed asset. She gives decent vampy badass.

Again, the movie seems to have the raw material to turn into something interesting, but it always comes up way short. For instance, while trying to regain his memories, it is suggested to Quaid that none of what he has experienced is real and that he is still at Rekall, living out his fantasy of being a secret agent while hooked up to a memory-implanting machine. This is an interesting angle, but the movie blows right past it in favor of more action. And the action isn’t even that bad. There’s some effective fight choreography and a lot of impressive CGI set design. But great CGI is nothing new. The best action scene in the world wouldn’t rescue the boring script.

I have not seen the original Total Recall, the one starring Schwarzenegger, but a cursory look at clips on YouTube shows what appears to be a much livelier and more imaginative movie. An example: in both films, Quaid is in possession of a memory which, if unearthed, will help the resistance movement. In the first Total Recall, a mutated conjoined fetus uses psychic powers to dig the memory out of Quaid’s brain. In the remake, Bill Nighy hooks Quaid up to a machine. In the original, Quaid tries to slip past a customs barrier by wearing a robotic helmet which makes him look like a middle-aged woman. When he throws the helmet, it explodes. In the remake, Quaid wears a holographic collar that makes him look like a different guy. The mandate for this movie seems to have been to remake the original but with less humor, less imagination, and more action but less violence. If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, by all means see this movie. If it doesn’t, congratulations on salvaging two hours of your life.